I’ve recently begun to come to grips with who I really am. I’m done apologizing for what is in my heart. I have learned that unless I do exactly what I believe is right then I will never be able to be corrected if I am wrong. What I have done is make decisions based on how other people will feel because I do not want them to be uncomfortable or sad or angry or whatever.
In doing so, I have not been true to myself and I have not been able to know who I really am. I have always had an idea of who I am, but I have felt like a coward. I am finally ready, after all these years, to be me, no matter what it means. The problem with compromising where I stand is that I always feel like I am a shadow of who I am really supposed to be. Growing up I had people who believed in me, but I was rarely encouraged to be who God made me specifically to be. I was usually taught to fit the mold of what other Christians thought I should be. I have lived in fear my whole life. Fear that people would not like me. Fear that people would have reason to criticize me. Fear that people would find a reason not to love me.
But the truth is, if God loves me, everyone can hate me but it does not matter. If I am loved by my Father in heaven and if He is pleased with my life, then who else do I really need to please. Maybe part of what I am here to do is to make sure people know that same lesson.
Romans 8:31; 35-36 reminds us that “If God is for us, who can be against us?…Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’”
One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from the movie Braveheart; speaking of William Wallace: “Uncompromising men are easy to admire. He has courage; so does a dog.” He was being criticized for his unwavering loyalty to his cause–because he traded self preservation for doing exactly what was in his heart. This is how I want to live. I do want to be open to correction if I am wrong, but I want to live out with all of my heart, my convictions, until the day comes that my convictions are proven to me to be in error.